Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Pre-Pregnancy - Morphology

Posted by Kim
Written by Tink, friend of BINSI

Three days ago I found out my best friend is pregnant. I wonder if I feel more in awe than she does. It feels so surreal and it's not even me. When she first told me, I shouted something I can't type in here. Meeting her for lunch, we see each other in the parking lot. She says softly, "I have a baby in my belly." I said, "Yes, yes you do.", feeling overwhelmingly happy with her yet there was a slight twinge of, "Dammit. When's my turn?"

Last blog entry I told you I was waiting on fertility results. Turns out everything on my end is a-ok. I had an internal ultrasound (which was THE COOLEST thing to ever see, by the way. I can only imagine seeing it when something moving in there.) I saw my ovaries, in perfect health already forming a 1cm follicle with an egg in it. She said follicles grow about 2 cm per day thus setting my day of ovulation around CD (cycle day) 11 or 12. Fascinating. She leaves the room saying, "I hope to see you back in here soon!" Yeah, me too. Bring your ultrasound wand.

J got his analysis back and his count is normal but there was another aspect of the test about 15% being normal criteria yet he was 7%. J couldn't seem to remember what the nurse said. The nurse never projected rainbows and butterflies nor did she refer to doom and despair. Maybe she was just pissed she was working on a Sunday. She said, "Talk with your doctor. I just read the messages to you.". What it sounded like was J has low morphology which is the shape of the sperm. My information-hog personality at its best, I concluded that low morphology isn't necessarily the end of the world. Could just mean it takes a little bit longer to conceive, could mean I spend a little longer with my hips in the air! I need more information to really understand what is going on with J's swimmies. It drives me crazy to wait when there are important issues on the line. There are so many factors; motility, morphology, count, pH, blah blah blah. Yeh, yeh, yeh, just tell me if I can have DJ Baby Z anytime soon. What'll it be? I wonder if all that worrying about fertility issues manifested itself into reality. This is the part that kicked me in the gut. J told me (that same night I'd told you about last week) after I'd been crying that he always had a feeling he wouldn't be able to have kids because of his sperm. STFU. Great timing, Bucko. Your wife is crying, agonizing over the possibility of never being able to conceive children. Can I karate chop your face now? I felt a surge of adrenaline that scared me of what large heavy things I could possibly move at that moment. I felt insane. So I just cried harder. J redeemed himself last night when he said, "So when do we start the baby dancing again?" I said, "Now. Today. Tonight. Tomorrow." He smiled.

Thursday is the day J will be able to get a hold of Doc based on when J has a free moment at work. (What? Thursday? Thursday is too far away. ) I could call and make my voice sound like his...or not. I want to be another set of ears because 2 is better than 1 in this case.
I found a blog from a doctor at NYU who writes on infertility. His articles may take me 3 hours to read, trying to process all the medical garb, nonetheless his words are helpful. He gives me hope for a healthy DJ Baby Z in the near future.

B: I am so happy for you!! I cannot wait to meet Hootie Hoo. She/He will be beautiful. We will have even more fun at ST's with a wiggly baby sitting at the table. Thank you for supporting me as I sat selfishly wondering when I would get pregnant too. I will someday. Patience is a virtue the universe is trying to teach me.

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