Pre-Pregnancy - Just Relax

Posted by Kim
Written by Tink, friend of BINSI

I'm back. These blogs have become cathartic for me. I have a folder in my email of "BIB Blogs". I look forward to when the little squirt blurt is really here and my journey has been recorded. I will look back and think 'Oh remember when...'

My first Ob/Gyn appointment with prenatal purpose was last Wednesday. My doctor is quirky, funny, and down-to-earth upon first impression. I like the fact I will be able to deliver at our local hospital whenever that time comes. I also got the feeling that she wasn't picking up on my temporary inability to process all the information she spewed at me at that moment. For her, it was another routine exam with a side order of fertility. In case you haven't been reading me for long, I've been on the trying-to-conceive boat for 7 cycles now.

After Doc talked about thyroid and progesterone testing, ovulation predictor kits, ultrasounds, the "base" tests, sperm potency, and simple timing of intercourse, I said, "Ok, so say again...what is my next step?" She smiled, "Get an appointment for an ultrasound as soon as you can and we'll just check that everything physically is ok. No collapsed fallopian tubes, fibroids, cysts, those kinds of things." Very routine, right? My eyes must have been as big as my non-stick egg white skillet because she said, "No need to worry. Just relax, we just want to rule out that anything physically could be wrong. Something like a collapsed fallopian tube we'd just re-inflate it and you'd be open for ovulation for at least another 6 months." There it is again. Just relax. Before I left the office, they drew blood into 2 medium size test tubes, I made my appointment for the ultrasound, and tried to slow the spinning of my head. I ordered 50 ovulation test strips off the internet and the game plan is set for this month.

Doc didn't ask me about my family history however ironic thing is my grandmother had a collapsed fallopian tube. My sister has Type 1 diabetes and had thyroid issues. My grandmother went on to have my aunt and mother. J is set to get his swimmies tested. A friend of mine told me before my doctor starts poking me with needles to get sperm potency tested first. It's the easiest, quickest test.

Saturday, the water works turned on. I could feel it brewing since Wednesday. I felt silly because I really had no real reason to cry. (Do you really need one anyway?) I wondered when it would happen. I needed it to happen. I may need it to happen more often and I'm going to need J to be extra patient with me as I navigate through these new emotions. I felt the slight squeeze on my chest release. I told J, "I know you don't get it, and you don't care, you're just like, 'whatever'. I don't mean that to be rude but..." J says, "Yeah, it's ok. I'm just trying to go with it." He washed some dishes then came over to the couch when he knew I was really letting it flow. Putting his arm around me for support, he fulfilled a duty as my partner. Thank you, Honey.

My blood work has not come back yet. What will it reveal? What will they say? I called the office on Thursday explaining I had just been in on Wednesday and was wondering when the results would be in. The wonderfully patient office lady said, "Let me check...they might be back on Friday afternoon. Go ahead and give us a call on Friday but they will most likely be in on Monday. I will put a note in here to have them call you. I know it's nice to know so you're not sitting around! They should call you Monday." This lady has obviously spoken to many nervous women on the phone. She was the perfect ratio of professional, sensitive, and patient. Thank you, Office Phone Nurse Lady. I salute you.

Here it is Monday. I am looking forward to and anxious for Tuesday because it brings the day of the ultrasound. What will they find? What will she say? Should I bring my voice recorder so I can listen to it again in case I black out? Should I take notes? Does J really need to come with me? As each month passes, I get closer to a point in space I never thought existed. The X and Y axis' read: Whatever and Freaking Out. It is possible for these to co-exist? That's how I feel. It's the most bizarre suspension.